Dear Diary, Love Diana
by Maeve of Winter
Summary: While on a trip to the beach with the other BWGs, Diana makes observations regarding her friends and can't ignore her worry for one in particular. Sequel to/concurrent with "So Maybe I'm a Masochist." Part 7 of "Forgotten Paths."
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

This fic takes place concurrently with "So Maybe I'm a Masochist,"the previous installment of the series. While you can read this fic without reading the previous one, reading them in order will probably help you understand certain aspects better.

There are typos within this story, but they are deliberate. It's my attempt to imitate how a fourteen-year-old girl who isn't particularly focused on academics would write.

* * *

 **August 25th 7:30 PM**

Dear Diary,

It seems kinda dumb to actually begin a diary that way, but whatever. My name is Diana Lynch and right now I'm on vacation with my friends in Florida. I got this journal back in July and I never seem to be ready to start writing in it. But this is me finally getting started.

My friends and I have been having a really busy summer. We're in a club together called the Bob-Whites of the Glen. To kick off the summer, we went to Cobbett's Island together. Then, I went to California while they went to Missouri. And then all of us went to New York City together with some friends from Iowa. After that, we went to Virginia for my birthday! Then we were in Sleepyside for a while for Julianna and Hans' wedding. Then Mart, Jim, and Brian went to work at camp while I visited Uncle Monty in Arizona, and Honey and Trixie wound up going to Saratoga.

After we get back home, my family is going to visit our friends the Renfers in Minnesota. Sleepyside schools are opening later than usual because of maintenance issues at the high school that won't let us go back on schedule. I don't get why all schools need to delay opening because of problems at one school, but I guess the people in charge know what their doing. Dad's glad to be going away because he thinks something with a company called International Pine is going to cause a lot of political fighting in town, and he doesn't want to deal with it.

At the moment I'm sitting in this lounge area of the mansion we're staying at. The mansion is right by the beach and is owned by friends of the Wheelers who I think might be the Devlins or the Hollington-Chatsworths. I'm not totally sure. They were going to come here for a week or so, but then they decided to go to one of there other vacation houses. Since this house was all prepped, they offered it to the Wheelers who turned and offered to take us.

I really like this mansion. It's Italian-style, so there are all these deep colors and elegant decorations around. There's a pool in back even though the house has a private beach, and the two together like that kind of reminds me of that one old television show Fantasy Island . The porch/hallway that leads to the pool is outdoors and surrounded by all these shimmery white curtains that blow in the breeze and give this really dreamy feeling, like a perfume commercial. There's also a loft area between the upstairs and downstairs of the house that has a game room with a pool table, and also a lounge, where I'm sitting now. The lounge opens up to this outdoor balcony patio that's above this courtyard that has a gazebo.

I have the balcony doors open right now even though its muggy out because the air conditioning is to cold. I hope no birds fly into the house. My Grandma always said that was bad luck.

I can see out into the courtyard through the balcony. Mart and Dan are out there.

Dan was actually the one who gave me this diary. When we were in NYC with the rest of the BWGs, he saw me in a shop looking at a beautiful old-fashioned pen set. So he bought me this fancy fountain pen and this gorgeous diary for my birthday. Dan notices a lot of little stuff like that and big stuff to, without ever really showing that he knows until it comes up, like my gift did. I wouldn't be surprised if he knew more about me then I knew about myself. I really think he's just as good of a detective as Trixie and Honey. He sees everything but never lets anyone really know.

He was the only one of the BWGs to get me a birthday present. Even though he wasn't even on the trip to Virginia with the rest of us.

What I really like about the diary is that it closes like a jewellry box would. It has a hook that makes a circle into the keyhole to keep it closed. The cover has all of this weaving and engraving on the front. "Embossed," Mart called it.

Mart knows a lot of words like that. He's really smart. So is Dan, and I think that's why they spend so much time together. I know both of them think I'm dumb for liking the stuff I do, so they tend not really to talk to me about the movies and books I like. I read Lurlene McDaniel books mainly, and I think they think she's a bad righter even though she's not. Mart and Dan read a lot of classic books even outside of school. On the way here Mart was reading The Catcher in the Rye . But Dan was reading a book called House of Leaves , which sounds a lot like the "sappy romances" they think I shouldn't like.

Dan's been through a lot this summer. He didn't get to come with the BWGs on many trips. Then he disappeared for two weeks when we were getting ready for Hans' and Julianna's wedding. Not long after that, Regan went to Saratoga without really telling anyone. Trixie and Honey went after him while Dan stayed in Sleepyside and the other boys were at camp and I was in Arizona. Now Dan's is with us in Florida.

Dan was gone for those two weeks because he was kidnapped by criminals at the Glen Road Inn. I'm not sure what happened to him, but when we found him, he was tied to a bed. Since then, we don't really talk about it, but now he wears long sleeves and jeans all the time even though its summer, and he doesn't like being touched by anyone anymore. There's something weird about his voice now to, like he doesn't care about anything that happens to him.

I heard Brian and Jim talking a couple nights ago. When I'm sitting on the balcony, I can overhear people talking in the courtyard if their speaking loud enough They were both really worried about Dan and Brian mentioned some things I really didn't understand, like "dissociation" and "detachment." They talked about a lot of stuff and I kept getting lost, but I did get that their worried. Its because Dan's face doesn't really have an expression anymore. Its mostly just blank all the time, but sometimes I get feelings that Dan is doing that on purpose for some reason. Brian thinks Dan should see a psychologist. Or was it a psychiatrist? Anyway, they want him to talk to someone, and both Brian and Jim agreed that Dan shouldn't be left alone often.

I'm not sure if Mrs. or Mr. Wheeler thought about any of this. Jim and Brian might have talked to Mart about this, but defiantly not to any of us girls. I don't think Trixie and Honey have even noticed anything wrong with Dan.

Their rooming together. They usually do, Trixie and Honey. I'm rooming alone. That's what normally happens.

Anyway I'm gonna try to help the boys out and spend time with Dan, just so the boys can get a break and Dan has someone else to hang out with.

Right now I think Dan and Mart might be doing some kind of ritual out in the courtyard. There's some smoke and I can smell sandalwood, so I think they might be burning incense. Dan does that sometimes, he has this big old book passed down from his mom's side of the family. Its full of spells and remedies and stuff like that. I don't think Dan is actually a Wicker(?) because he says he's a Catholic, and I don't think he believes that he's doing witchcraft or anything.

He and Mart had this really long discussion on one time when Mart and I out for dinner and a movie on Mart's birthday. I didn't think Dan would be there, but Mart invited him and really wanted him there. All night they talked about stuff I didn't understand, like when they kept saying stuff about Dan's spells and free will and the Bible and "power of the self." They seemed more interested in each other than anything else, and I felt like a total third wheel. Neither of them liked the movie—some superhero flick—that much. I thought it was good. At least they liked talking about how bad they thought it was.

Mart and Dan like a lot of stuff I don't really get. Just to start, there's Portal , Lord of the Rings (books and movies), Watchmen (comic book and movie), Star Wars (movies and books), Star Trek (shows and books), Stargate (show and books), the Japan Godzilla movies, and a bunch of books I can't remember. Sometimes one of them likes something more than the other, but they both still like it. Like Firefly (Mart), Tales From the Crypt (Dan), Cosmo McNaught novels (Mart), and anything about zombies (Dan).

I can see that Mart and Dan are sitting on the ground in front of the gazebo, talking as the incense burns a couple of feet away. I can hear their voices but not the real words. I don't have any idea what their talking about, but they aren't laughing or talking loudly.

Seeing them together makes me kinda feel lonely. Everyone in the BWGs has a best friend, Mart and Dan, Jim and Brian, and Honey and Trixie, accept for me. Before my family got rich, me and Jane Sammael used to be really good friends. But after my dad got lucky in the stock market, I sort shut myself off from everyone at school and ignored everyone because I felt so awful all the time. It was that sort of weird, almost-sick type of bad that just stuck with me for a long time. I just wanted to be left alone and when I finally decided didn't, I didn't have much choice anymore.

Also there was a time when I leid to Jane and really hurt her feelings. Maybe I should of tried to explain what happened to her. But I never did, and so she still really doesn't like me even today.

Outside the sun is just beginning to go down. It's really beautiful, but something inside me feels empty when I look at it.

Tomorrow we're going down to the boardwalk while Mr. and Mrs Wheeler visit some business associates. I've already planned my outfit. Since we're going to be doing a lot of activity, I'm keeping it pretty sporty:

Pastel violet and white bikini with racerback top

Pink Nike mesh shorts

Black lycra athletic tank top

Quartz chunk stud earrings

Aviators with the matte dark lenses

I LOVE pairing pink with black. I think it looks so cool and sophisticated. Its girly, but its almost kind of edgy in a way.

I think I'm gonna wear these sandals my mom got for me. Their white and pink with low wedge heels with a bunch of straps and made mainly out of rubber. I thought they were really ugly when she gave them to me, and I still do, but their actually coming in handy with all the water activities.1

For my makeup, I'm going to use one of the summer collections. I got a bunch of them for my birthday: Elizabeth Arden, Tom Ford, Burberry, that kind of stuff. There's this one gorgeous eyeshadow palette with shimmering colors of the see and sand, the best shades of blues and browns. For hair, I'm going to try this style where I braid some parts across at the front, like a crown, and then pin up the rest in a bunch of swirled knots. I've seen it in magazines and it looks really gorgeous and pretty. I have a bunch of rhinestone bobby pins I can use for it, to.

Right now, I'm going to go get the other BWGs to play another game of Trivia Pursuit. We had a great time playing last night when everybody got really into it. I didn't really know any of the answers, but it was still really fun.

I'll be back tomorrow to right more about everything we did at the boardwalk!

XOXO,

Diana

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

The Hollington-Chatsworths and the Devlins are a reference to characters from another Trixie Belden series of mine called "More Money, More Problems." This series can be found on Archive of Our Own.


	2. Chapter 2

**August 26th, 10:08 PM**

Right now we just got back from a really long but really fun day at the boardwalk.

When I woke up this morning I was to excited about our day to sleep in so I got up and got dressed early. I wore the outfit I talked about yesterday. The only difference was that I couldn't get the braid at the front of my hair to look right, so I just wore a black and gold braided headband instead. I still wore my hair up because the Florida air is very sticky and I didn't want my long hair at the back of my neck.

I went downstairs. Dan was already downstairs, and I got the feeling he had been down there for a long time. He was cooking breakfast even though the mansion owners have a housekeeper to make all of our meals. He made these yummy crispy oatmeal pancakes and chopped up a big bowl full of cantaloupe and sprinkled it with mint. He cooked scrambled eggs and added orange zest, horseradish, and chili powder. It tasted really good even though I wouldn't have thought it would.

I helped with the pancakes by mixing more batter when we were running low. I also carried stuff to the table when Dan was watching the stove.

"How many pancakes do we have on this platter, Diana?" Dan asked at one point.

I counted them really fast. "Thirteen," I said.

Dan flipped the pancakes, checking that both sides were cooked and then added a couple more pancakes to the pile. "Can't have the number thirteen. I don't want to curse anybody," he said in a joking voice.

I laughed. I was glad to hear Dan make a joke, and I was glad to hang out with him. Dan is the best looking out of all the BWG boys. He's not handsome in the normal way, but this really gorgeous, beautiful-type of handsome. "Ethereal," Mart once called him. Dan's the middle sort of tall and slim but he has muscles from all of his running and working in the preserve. "Wiry," according to Mart. Girls at school talk about Dan and say that he has the body of a swimmer. Girls at school talk about him a lot because Dan is really, really good-looking.

The other BWG boys aren't bad, either. Mart is cute in a farmboy way, and Brian is handsome like an old-fashioned movie star like Cary Grant. Jim has a really great personality.

Dan was dressed in black as usual. Black jeans and black work boots and a black T-shirt that read Who Watches the Watchmen? . Mart wears the same shirt sometimes. He also had on a black Adidas tracksuit top with red stripes down the long sleeves.

Once I heard Regan get really upset with Dan for wearing so much black all of the time but I don't understand why he was upset. Wearing black clothes doesn't make Dan a bad person and thinking it would is just plain dumb. Look at how he got up to make breakfast for all of us when he didn't have to. That was really nice of him.

When we were working together, Dan told me about this theory about robots called the uncanny valley. I didn't really understand it but I got that humans don't like robots that look to much like humans. I had never actually thought about humans and robots before. I mostly still consider robots a science fiction thing.

The other BWGs were woken up by the smell of breakfast cooking and came downstairs. Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler came downstairs and couldn't stop to eat because they were in a rush. Dan gave them breakfast wraps he made and they laughed and said thank you to him.

Trixie said something today that made want to slap her. Actually, she said a couple of those type of things. Its weird because Trixie is one of the most generous people I know, but she can also be one of the rudest. I love her and she's one of my best friends, but sometimes I swear she grew up with a bunch of wolves who gave her back to the Beldens because she was to bad-mannered.

First was when she walked into the kitchen this morning. "What kinda pancakes you making?" She asked.

"Cinnamon buttermilk oatmeal," Dan said.

Trixie made a face. "That's to bad" she said. "Strawberry is my favorite." She walked into the dining room then and began eating. She didn't thank Dan for making breakfast. She didn't offer to help. See what I mean about being raised by wolves?

During breakfast, everybody talked about where they wanted to go. Mart wanted to ride jet skis. Brian wanted to visit this nature/eco center (?), Jim wanted to take a tour on the water taxi, Trixie thought we should rent bicycles, Honey thought it might be nice to go to a spa, and I wanted to go to an art gallery.

"Looks like you're the deciding vote, Dan," Trixie said. "What do you want to do?"

"I really don't have a preference," Dan said. I saw that the only thing he had taken for breakfast was some melon, and he still wasn't really eating any of it.

"Come on," Trixie said. "You've been like a zombie this entire trip. How can you not want to do anything?"

I saw Brian and Jim look at each really quick. Jim opened his mouth to talk but Dan did before he could.

"I'm fine with going to any of those places or doing any of those things," Dan said. "I just don't have any preference for what we end up doing." His voice didn't have a lot of feeling to it one way or the other.

"Okay, gang, let's get ready to go so we can beat the morning rush," Jim said really quickly. "Everybody meet by the front door in fifteen minutes."

Since Dan and I were already ready to go, we collected the dishes and began loading the dishwasher when everybody else was getting ready.

Lucky for us, the homeowners keep a late-model SUV here that we were able to drive. Which is good, because even Jim, the oldest of us, is too young to drive a rental car.

On the way there, the others began talking about what organization they want our next project to go towards. Honey was interested in raising money to go to St. Jude's, a special hospital for children with cancer.

I sat next to Dan. He was listening to music. He doesn't have earbuds because he swears by these Philips headphones that wrap around the back of the head that he uses for running, so he let me plug in my Belkin headphone splitter. That way, we could both listen to the same music even with separate headsets. There was this one song we listened to that I thought was really beautiful. It was a lonely and sad piano piece.

"What's this one?" I asked Dan.

"'Laura Palmer's Theme,'" he told me. "Its from the soundtrack of the Twin Peaks TV show."

"I've never seen it," I said.

He didn't really smile, but the look on his face was friendly. "Maybe we could watch it together sometime."

I grinned at him, happy. I'd love to spend more time with Dan. I'm glad he thinks I'm cool enough to hang out with.

The first thing we did at the boardwalk was rent jet skis. We did that first because we wanted to avoid the afternoon sun. I was actually really nervous about it, but for a while when we were out there, I was having so much fun I forgot. But towards the end, I started feeling dizzy and shaky. I was glad when our time on the jet skis ran out. Our group was going on the water taxi tour next, but I didn't feel good enough to go. Dan said he would stay with me, which I thought was really nice.

The first thing me and Dan did was sit on a bench in the shade until I felt better. I didn't want to, but Dan said that I should, and he got me a water bottle from a nearby vending machine. I watched him as we sat together. Even though it was hot out, he didn't look uncomfortable in long sleeves.

After I felt better, we explored some of the shops together. Dan didn't even complain when I dragged him into an Ulta store, which was nice because most guys would. I bought the most gorgeous blush when I was there. It's a shimmery pale pink with tiny lines of gold and darker pinks trailing throughout. It reminded me of the sunset. I also bought some more summer collection products from a bunch of different makeup lines, and I ended up getting a free gift set with purchase because I hit my maximum number of rewards points.

When I was in there, I also got Dan this special chemical sunscreen to thank him. Dan is pale, and he looks like a beautiful vampire, so he sunburns easily. He laughed softly when I gave it to him, which was nice, even if he didn't really smile.

I was getting thirsty even after the water bottle, so we stopped at a nearby cafe to get a few drinks. Dan and I played a game where we chose each other's drinks. I got him a mango smoothie with lots of whipped cream, and he got me one of those ice cream coffee drinks, but he had them add extra shots of espresso and other flavors. By the time the barista gave it to me, it probably had ingredients from every drink recipe in the history of the company.

Bad luck, though. On our way outside of the shop, a big biker type bumped into Dan, knocking his drink out of his hands. Even if I wasn't impressed by the guy's fashion, he had good manners. He apologized right and went to the counter to buy Dan another drink with his own order. His girlfriend, who wore a very short outfit and had sleeve tattoos and pastel pink hair, was very nice as well, asking Dan about his shirt and talking about comics with him for a little bit. They had to leave to catch their ride right after they got their drinks and Dan got his new drink, but they seemed like very nice people even though they didn't look like it.

"Sometimes it surprises me," Dan said as we left the coffee shop.

"What does?" I asked, not sure what he was talking about.

"How nice people can be," Dan said. "Even when their kindness is unprompted, even when you have nothing to give to them in return."

His answer surprised me, so I didn't really answer. When my family was poor, people helped us out a lot—Mrs. Belden would watch me after school while my parents worked, families from church would give me toys and clothes they didn't need, and the school put me on the free lunch program. But once my family became rich, we became . . . special, I guess.

Now, teachers treat me better than the other students, the ones from normal families. Honey and Jim are favored, too. My English teacher gives me individual extensions on papers. My math teacher stays behind to give me one-on-one help with homework. I can walk down the hallways during class time without a pass, and everyone notices, but no one says anything. And maybe with all the special treatment that I've getting for the past couple of years, I've begun to take it for granted that people will be nice to me, and I'm not really greatful for it when they are.

Dan and I talked for a little while then about school then. I'm really nervous about freshman year—my parents pulled some strings and got me put into some honors classes, but I don't think I'm going to do very well. But Dan gave me some advice about it.

I really can see why Mart likes to spend so much time with him. Dan has this way of of looking at you when you talk and talking to you like your the most important person in the world. Like he really respects you and trusts you, like he really wants to hear what you say. There's almost this magical sense to him, as if he automatically understands what your trying to say before you even explain.

The other Bob-Whites got back not long after, and we went to a bakery-like restaurant for lunch. They basically only served pasties, which is sort of like a British version of stromboli. They were delicious, really hitting the spot.

After lunch, we got to visit the art gallery, which I was happy about, and afterward, we combined Brian's and Trixie's ideas and went biking at the nature reserve. When we were there, Jim took a curve really fast and almost bowled over a bunch of other tourists! We were laughing and making jokes about "Jim the speed demon" the rest of the night. Speaking of that, after biking, we got dinner at a sushi place, and then Honey got us into a spa for some relaxation before going back to the beach house. Us girls got pedicures and facials, and even the boys were happy to get massages, after all the car rides, late nights, crazy days, and early mornings we have had in the past week.

Whew! It's been a long, action-packed day. I'm turning in for the night.

XOXO

Diana


	3. Chapter 3

**August 27th, 6:53 AM**

I woke up early this morning, and then I could not get back to sleep because the air-conditioning made my room so cold. To warm up, I got dressed and then went to the lounge to sit on the balcony. It was still kinda dark, and the sun wasn't all the way risen yet. With the dim light, I could just barely see Dan out in the courtyard, several lit candles burning in front of him. I didn't have any idea what he was doing, but I was really curious.

I'm not sure if it would be rude or not to ask him sometime, though. Jim said once that Dan is a very private person, one who likes to have his secrets. So I'm never sure if I'm bothering Dan when I talk to him. Sometimes I worry he thinks of me as an annoying little kid, even though he's really only a few months older than me.

It was strange being up that early in the morning before anyone else. The quiet and the sunrise created a weird, almost magical feeling, like anything was possible in the half-dark, half-light world that was only there for a few minutes and then gone away so fast. Because it seemed important then, I took some time to think about what I want for the upcoming school year.

I already talked about how I feel left out in the BWGs sometimes, with everyone but me having a best friend. I know its kind of my fault for ignoring the friends I did have when my family got rich all of the sudden. I still don't really know why I did that myself, even though I know that's a dumb excuse. It might be that I just was too stressed with everything else in my life at that point, and I just wanted to hide instead of hang out.

But I'm done hiding. It's it time for me to make the first try and start hanging out with the other BWGs more, instead of waiting for them to notice me. Instead of waiting to be invited, I'm going to be doing the inviting, and I think I'm also gonna start hanging out with the friends I used to have outside of the BWGs again.

I've decided the first person I'm going to try to spend a lot of time with is Dan. I had a great time hanging out with Dan yesterday, and he was really nice to me about my worries. So just now, I left the balcony and went down into the courtyard, and asked Dan to take a bike ride with me before everyone else woke up. He agreed, and went to his room to get ready.

Sometimes, everyone just needs a little help, even if it's not the kind of help people usually think of.

I think that's going to be my motto for this school, to try to help people. Not just in the way that BWGs help people by raising money for charity, but also try to talk to people, to be nice to them when they need it, and I'm going to start with Dan. He really seems like he could use as many friends as he can these days. I'm not sure what's the matter with him or if I can actually help but I'm going to try anyway.

Hopefully, if I'm busy helping people this way, I won't have the chance to feel lonely. If I ever do, then that's a sign that there's someone out there that needs me to help them. Maybe its just complementing them on them on their garden and listening to them when they talk about their flowers. Maybe its being patient with someone even when their wasting my time. Maybe its forgiving someone when they ask for forgiveness and are really trying to bury the hatchet. Whatever it is, I'll do it.

I'm going to try to do new things and meet new people. My parents have said before that change can help a person and I guess now I can see if that works for me. The freshmen class does a play every winter, and I think it would be fun to try out. They say its good to have new experiences. It won't be my first time being in a play, but it will be something that I can do outside of the BWGs, and a way I can make new friends.

I'll write more later. Now, I'm off to ride bikes with Dan!

XOXO

Diana


End file.
